Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Inspiration from the Eve of Change

I really need a new word. Perhaps it is in a language I don't know. Something that states succinctly, “on the edge of something new,”  or “the feeling you have the night before,” “apprehension in a scary but good way.” Got any ideas?

That was the feeling when I was 17-years-old and my mom was pregnant with the twins. The day my dad went to get her midwife, who would live with us for the last 2 weeks of the pregnancy, I felt that life would never be the same again. The two tiny, healthy, screaming, precious babies were coming.

That was the feeling when I was hit with the realization that my aunt wasn't getting better from cancer, that she couldn't fight it off any longer, that she was actually slipping away that very afternoon. I knew life would never be the same again.

That was the feeling the first time I boarded a flight to France and they announced the destination was Paris. I was going to see my beloved man again after four months. He was going to propose. I was going to love France, speak her language, taste her marvels, and live there. I knew life would never be the same again.

That was the feeling around 5:30 a.m. when I waddled my pregnant self to the bathroom and realized my contractions were different and coming at regular intervals. My husband's alarm went off. Giddy with excitement to meet my child, I told him he couldn't leave me and go to work. I knew life would never be the same again.

That is the feeling now. My husband is in training to be a firefighter, just as he has dreamed for years. In four weeks, he will begin the rotation of shifts, 24 hours on guard, 24 hours off, continuing for six days, then four days off. As I put children to bed and spend my evenings alone, my life will never be the same again.

Yet I have exciting new opportunities in my writing for writing blogs, I am finishing a memoir about a foster family, I love my freelance journalism...my writing has become my job, not my hobby. I'm talking to self-publishers about options for the memoir, a local artist has done three sketches to choose for the cover art, I'm lining up a couple copy editors...it is all coming together.

I am on the edge, it is the dawn, the moment when my fourth-grade self watched the cocoon start to shake and open.

Praise the Lord, my life will never be the same again.

I'd love to hear about the moments before you life changed. When did you see things coming, happening, or changing?

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